There is nothing better than family. The warm, fuzzy feeling the loved ones in your life create is almost impossible to replicate. From the kids to your partner and parents, there is nobody else in the world you need more than them, and it’s a beautiful thing. However, it’s also a scary prospect because it’s easy to become dependant on your family for your needs. Whether it’s emotional or everyday help you require, they will be your first port of call.
While it’s comforting to know someone has your back and wants to protect you, it also lures you into a false sense of security. Suddenly, you rely on these people for everything and struggle to take care of yourself without their input. It’s something that must change if you want your relationships to be healthier.
So, if you feel as if you’re becoming more and more dependent, you’ve come to the right place! Below, you’ll find a selection of super healthy techniques that allow you to maintain a secure connection while also carving out your own lane.
Look In The Mirror
Although it is a cliche, looking in the mirror is an excellent first step because you can analyse what’s staring back at you. Do you like what you see? Are there any niggling doubts about your independence? Accepting that you do rely on your family too much is the initial step in a long journey, but it’s probably the most essential stage of the process.
The trick is to be open and honest. Ask yourself basic questions and say the first thing that comes into your head. If you don’t like the realisation, you should gauge why it sprang to mind and find a middle ground. It might be that you’re not co-dependent on others but that you spot toxic behaviour. In that case, make a mental note and push back when you see it happening in real-time.
Without taking a hard look at yourself, you can never get to the bottom of the feelings in the pit of your stomach.
Make Decisions Alone
It’s tempting to ask others to validate your decisions. Everyone does it, and it doesn’t mean your dependant on your family to take control of your life. Still, it’s not healthy if the decisions focus on your life and nobody else’s. After all, you have to live with the consequences of your actions, so there’s no point in letting people impact your life if they are looking at it from a distance.
Psychology Today says people look for validation from others due to a fear of being wrong. But, making mistakes isn’t harmful – it’s positive. Try and remember that if you are error-prone, you can use the data to rectify the situation the next time around. Making decisions for number one, while seemingly selfish, is an opportunity to take the pressure off your loved ones.
Plus, it makes the process less scary, which is also healthy.
Reach Out With A Compromise
In a perfect world, you would never need to reach out to people because you’d be able to handle your affairs alone. Of course, that’s not feasible as we all need emotional support from the people we love. It’s an occupational hazard. The trick is not to lean on your family too much so that you find a healthy middle ground for everybody involved.
Think about your bank account for a moment. Is it running low and you’ve got bills to pay? If so, asking your parents for a loan isn’t necessarily a bad thing. As long as they are happy, it will save you time, stress, and a lot of money. But, asking them to fork out the cash isn’t the answer. Instead, Buddy Loans has a perfect solution – a guarantor loan. By backing you up in case something goes wrong, you can take control of your finances with the knowledge there is a safety net should things spiral out of control.
That’s a nice situation to be in, and one that family would prefer than seeing you struggle.
Fill Your Time
One of the main reasons people become dependant is boredom. You have nothing to do and want to rely on your family to get you out of a rut. Sorry, but it isn’t a smart move as it only consolidates the feelings of emptiness and pushes people away. Then, your relationships will be weaker and you’ll be unhappier than ever.
You must relieve your boredom, and the trick is to fill your day with stuff so that you don’t have time to think. No, you’re not running away from anything – you’re building a healthier, less dependent life for you and your family. And, there’s nothing terrible about dedicating some of your focus on you for a change. It’s natural to have ‘me’ time as it allows you to destress and take stock of your life.
If you don’t know how to get the ball rolling, Embracing Simple has some excellent ideas. One of the best is to tackle the tasks that you’ve been putting off for a while. They might be boring and monotonous, but that’s better than sitting on the sofa staring at your phone.
Let Go
Usually, self-dependant traits stem from one characteristic: an inability to let go. Making mountains out of molehills is straightforward when you overthink and over analyse little issues that aren’t big enough to worry about. After all, they only manifest themselves in a toxic manner and make you come across as needy, which isn’t an attractive trait.
How do you let small things go that are important to you at the time? By taking deep breaths and giving yourself time before responding. Often, the things you say in the moment are harsh because they are full of emotion. Taking a break from replying should help you to relieve your stress and anger and see the situation in a new light.
A fantastic tactic is to exercise. Not only does it keep you physically healthy, but it regulates your mind, too.
